Wise Fwom Your Gwave

The Tomb Awaits

Welcome, Dearest Reader.

I am, if you’ll excuse the grandeur, The Gamekeeper. Not a gamekeeper, THE Gamekeeper. The keeper of games.

Once upon a time, I was an avid player of videogames, living in a normal, suburban, home in a grey old town in the North West of England. A kid obsessed with everything that went bleep, bloop and waccawaccawacca, surrounded by tape upon tape of videogames often (but not always) made by people in their own homes.

I would spend hour upon hour staring agog at the television, in awe of the works, in thrall to numbers going up, impossible adventures - and curiously - fish with lasers. I cannot explain the last one, reader. I cannot.

And then, there was the unfortunate accident with a loose connection on my μSpeech,a spark then a shock that made me leap backwards … and out of the bedroom window.

Reader, I died.

Hellfire

I can scarcely describe the domain of hell I was banished to, the sights I have been shown would chill the blood. Picturesque landscapes rendered in the palette of the Dragon 32, cursed souls doomed to spend their days playing on nothing but an Oric Atmos, poked and prodded in the ribs with contraption upon contraption built from the vestiges of peripherals best forgotten. A light gun, a multiface, more.

I felt myself fortunate on my sojourns through these terrible places, for though I was damned to walk through hell for all eternity, at least I never, not even once, would find myself forced to play the Amstrad CPC port of Breakthru hour after hour.

Then one day, I was to stumble upon the nest of the great behemothic demon Langdelle and his slimy accomplice, Tangles. It was a sight I will spare the reader a description of, so horrible a scene I was forced to observe that no man should also have it thrust upon them.

The voice of a demon whispered softly into my ear. Slay these beasts, free hell from them, and you shall have your reward.

Reader, I stayed the beasts and hung their heads on stakes. Desperate times, reader. Desperate times.

A Second Chance (of sorts)

And so, dear reader, to now. The generals of hell looked upon my work and found it adequate, I was to be granted a form of salvation. Once a month, every month, I would be permitted to leave the infernal plagued regions I found myself in, to rise from my grave, to once more feel the wind on my face. A ghoul from a bubbling cauldron, a portal to dimensions best left unseen and undiscussed.

No good deed in hell goes unpunished, my friend. So though the Earthly realms are once more places I can visit, the conditions of my visit are that I must spread the word of lost or forgotten videogames to the world. There is no redemption here, only a brief peace and the opportunity to once more play videogames as my heart desires.

And so, I welcome you once more to my tomb. Each month, I will do my duties and present you a collection of things videogame to pump into your eyeholes.

Stay tuned, subscribe and don’t have nightmares.